I cannot find my penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just high enough for therapy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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