Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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