I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
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If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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