Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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