she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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