i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
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You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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