please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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