So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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