If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize