I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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