i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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