I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize