I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize