i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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