I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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