thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize