curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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