I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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