he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
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No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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