She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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