eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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