im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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