true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
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I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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