Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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