youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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