I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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