Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize