I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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