It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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