No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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