I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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