if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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