In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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