he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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