the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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