my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize