Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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