I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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