i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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