U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
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From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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