I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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