i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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