Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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