It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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