Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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