Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize