He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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