dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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