he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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