last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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