It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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