I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She said her name was "party"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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