he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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