just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
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I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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